Seat 29E Complaint

The following is an email I received recently (thanks G.A. and M.B.). It is a complaint letter written by a passenger on Continental Airlines. Below the links to the original scan, I typed the letter out. But you gotta read the passengers writing yourself, plus there's 2 illustrations not in the transcript. Click on "Page 1", it should popup the letter. When you finish close the letter and click on the next page. There's a couple of words I wouldnt choose to put in my blog, but I made an exception b/c this is very hilarious.

Here is the letter in text form ...

12-21-04
Flt#888/500 -> Houston
Seat #29E (RECEIVED APR 13 2005 Customer Care)

Dear Continental Airlines,

I am disgusted as I write
this note to you about the
miserable experience I am
having sitting in seat _29E_ on
one of your aircrafts.
As you may know, this
seat is situated directly
across from the lavatory,
so close that I can reach
out my left arm and
touch the door.

All my senses are being
tortured simultaneously.
Its difficult to say what
the worst part about
sitting in 29E really is?
Is it the stentch of the
sanitation fluid that's blown
all over my body every
60 seconds when the door
opens? Is it the woosh
of the constant flushing?
Or is it the passengers
asses that seem to fit
into my personal spase like
a p0rn0graphic jig-saw
puzzel?

I constucted a stink-
shield by shoving one end
of a blanket into the
overhead compartment -
while effective in blocking
at least some of the
smell, and offering a small
bit of privacy, the ass-on-
my-body factor has increased,
as without my evil glare,
passengers feel free to
lean up against what they
think is some kind of
blanketed wall.  The next
ass that touches my shoulder
will be the last!

I am picturing a board
room full of executives
giving props to the young
promising engineer that
figured out how to squeeze
an additional row of seats
onto this plane by putting
them next to the LAV.

   (illustration here)

I would like to flush his head
in the toilet that I am
close enough to touch from
my seat.             ^ ,and taste,

Putting a seat here was
a very bad idea.  I just
heard a man GROAN in
there!  This sucks!

   (illustration here)
     Depiction of mans butt in my
       face.

Worse yet, is I've paid over
$400.00 for the honor of
sitting in this seat!

Does your company give
refunds?  I'd like to go
back where I came from
and start over.  Seat 29E
could only be worse if it
was located inside the bathroom.

I wonder if my clothing
will retain the sanitizing
odor .... hat about my hair!
I feel like I'm bathing in
a toilet bowl of blue liquid,
and there is no man in a
little boat to save me.
I am filled with a deep
hatred for you plane designer.
And a general dis-ease that
may last for hours.

We are finally decending,
and soon I will be able
to tear down the stink-
shield, but the scars will
remain.

I suggest that you
initiate immediate removal
of this seat from all of
your crafts.  Just remove
it, and leave the smouldering
brown hole empty, a
place for sturdy/non-
absorbing luggage maybe,
but not human cargo.

posted by iWantToKeepAnon at 4:27 PM |